How can I begin to describe where I am now to where I have come from? This moment in time, this chapter of life God has written for me is unlike any other I have known. My life has been a roller coaster of good times and bad times, sometimes I was so unsure of what would happen to me because things would turn for the worse and I felt I had no way out. One of the biggest lies the enemy ever told me is that because I was a sinner and made wrong choices that I was not allowed to be happy anymore. I was not allowed to enjoy life and anything that made me happy or brought a smile to my face, I had to stop immediately. I felt I deserved to be sad and couldn't be free to live life fully. I was so broken.
But as I stood in my room, I caught the a glimpse of the breeze blowing over the trees and leaves bearing the colors of orange and brown hit the ground as I got ready to spend the evening with my family. I got dressed while listening to Moonrise by Brain Crain and playfully danced as I got dressed, the music made my soul joyful. I was happy. Not just emotions and feelings happy but a different kind - it was joy. Joy had finally come and was here to stay.
I have been attending CR for almost 11 months now and the freedom of God healing my past and bringing me into greatness and building me up to be the woman of God I was called to be, I am declaring freedom. Freedom from anger. Freedom from depression. Freedom from the abuse and neglect and ridicule I had endured most of my life. Freedom to be me and to enjoy what I loved. God had opened my eyes to show me that it was OKAY to be happy and enjoy the things I love.
I go on morning hikes and admire the mountains and neverending landscapes, I watch my Star Wars and Harry Potter movies, I listen to my Lord of the Rings and Twilight movie scores, I enjoy my comic books as well as my fantasy filled books such as "The Neverending Story" and "A Wrinkle in Time", I drive to work while blasting Backstreet Boys ( since 1997 baby!) and sometimes the Sound of Music. I go to church and work and love my toddlers as if they were mine. I hug my friends and leaders and enjoy the worship music. I live.
Although I continue to work on myself and my walk with God, I allow God to break barriers down and show me what must change. Step study has been HARD! I'm not even exaggerating, it has been intense but God is pulling it all out of me. I'm actually glad that God is having me work part-time closer to home because He is truly having me focus on recovery now more than ever. It feels uncomfortable and painful, sometimes I see no hope but God is moving wonders in me. I am excited for my breakthrough! I'm thrilled that God has amazing things for me!!! My future looks BRIGHT ❤️
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